Say Goodbye
by atypicalsnowman
Summary: SS/HP past CD/HP Written for the SeverusSighs' A. Rickman Ficlet Fest– a take on Truly Madly Deeply. To let Harry go, to see him in Severus' arms, would be heartbreak for Cedric; to keep their love alive would be worse.


Disclaimer: I am neither JK Rowling or Anthony Minghella.

Warnings: Past Harry/Cedric

Author's note: Thanks to thesewarmstars and WhiteCotton for beta reading. This is a take on the movie Truly Madly Deeply and part of the Alan Rickman ficlet festival on SeverusSighs.

* * *

*

"It's mostly at night...when I'm staying late at the Ministry," Harry said, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Which is odd because I only recently started working there."

"What does he say?"

"Oh," Harry said absently. "Little things he would have said if he were there. Like–I almost stumbled as I was going into the Floo for home and he said, 'Careful, Harry. You know how you are with Floos.' Or if I've had a really frustrating meeting with my supervisor he'll say, 'Well, that guy's a real prat' or something like that. Lots of little things all the time."

His therapist wrote something down in his notepad and waved a hand in front of his face to be rid of the smoke.

"Or I'll be alone...and I'll feel his presence. And he doesn't have to say anything or do anything. I just know he's there."

"How do you feel during those times?"

Harry stifled the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay. Fine. Looked after, I suppose."

"Does he ever talk to you when you're alone?"

Harry nodded and took another drag. "Yeah. Loads, really. Always tells me to hang up my cloak or it'll get wrinkled and don't forget to put up the wards. He's always on about the wards."

The therapist nodded again and Harry wanted to strangle him.

"But he's not a ghost?"

Harry shook his head. No, he wasn't a ghost.

"Harry, how exactly did Cedric die?"

Harry concentrated on the ash on the end of his cigarette, trying very hard to not allow it to fall.

"Harry?" the therapist repeated. "How exactly did Cedric die?"

*

"So how have you been?" Hermione asked, paying no attention to Edward, who was now trying to swing from Harry's new curtains.

"Fine, thanks. Should he be doing that?"

"Hmm? Oh. Edward, stop that."

"But he has hangy curtains!"

"Mummy said stop, Edward."

He huffed and ran off to pester the birds in Harry's garden.

"The new flat looks great, Harry..." She trailed off and looked down. "Listen, Harry. Edward's going to be starting Hogwarts next year and... And well, I was wondering if he could use Cedric's old broom."

Harry immediately put down his cup of tea and stared at her.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"His broom. I was wondering if Edward could–"

"No, I heard what you said. I just can't believe you asked me that."

Hermione looked into her cup of tea and said, "It's not as though he's using it, Harry. And you know things haven't been going well at the joke shop."

"I don't fucking care," Harry said, raising his voice.

"For God's sake, Harry," Hermione said, looking to make sure Edward couldn't hear.

"I can't believe you asked me that. Why don't you just ask for his body while you're at it?"

Hermione bit her lip, though she did not back down. "I only asked for his broom because I know you're not using–"

"I doesn't matter if I'm not using it! It was his–Cedric's!"

"Alright! I'm sorry I asked."

Harry turned his head away from her and towards the sky. It was clear and blue: exactly the way Cedric liked it.

*

Harry hated being idle, especially these days. He sat in his flat with its Oriental rug and aging antiques and contemplated going for a ride.

Taking his broom out of the closet, he tried not to spare a glance for the one that rested beside it. His fingers immediately grabbed his own older Firebolt, passing over the top-of-the-line Nimbus that Cedric used in his last matches.

His grief threatening to bury him if he stayed one more moment on the ground, Harry mounted his broom and took off into the sky.

It was strange how flying felt like communing with Cedric, how he couldn't help but feel lighter and closer to him the longer he flew. If he imagined hard enough, he could almost see Cedric, riding beside him, a wide smile on his handsome face.

And then Harry saw him, there, out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head, as he often did whenever he heard or felt Cedric, but this time he didn't disappear. This time he stayed, only leaving Harry's line of sight as he took a sharp dive.

Joy Harry hadn't felt for months welled within him and he pointed his broom straight down, racing to catch up with Cedric.

He landed and dismounted before Harry, turning around to squint into the sun, his lovely face never having looked so happy. "Oh," Harry breathed and then raised both his arms up, not wanting to reach out for Cedric, lest he disappear. Finally, Harry started sobbing; a long, tired kind of cry that came from some primal place within him.

No longer able to take not knowing, he ran to Cedric and threw his arms around him, relieved and amazed when he remained solid and didn't disappear.

"Shh," Cedric said, running a hand through Harry's hair as he wept. "Thank you for missing me."

*

"I don't know why you got that job at the Ministry," Cedric said from bed, where he and Harry had just spent the last six days. "You're a great Quidditch player. You could have gone pro...still could."

Harry frowned at Cedric, a bit annoyed that even though dead, Cedric still disapproved of his chosen profession. "I like being a curse-breaker. It's...stimulating in a way that Quidditch never was."

"Hmm," Cedric said, looking off somewhere Harry couldn't see. "I might have a few friends over while you're at work, alright?"

Harry nodded. "Sure. Are you...you're going to stay here then?"

Cedric nodded. "Can't go anywhere else, can I?"

Confused, Harry asked, "Well, why do you have to stay here? Why can't you go back to Heaven while I'm at work?"

Cedric smiled sadly. "It doesn't work that way."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Go on then to your stupid job. I'll miss you."

Harry resisted the urge to climb back into bed with Cedric, but Boy-Who-Lived or not, Harry would be out of a job if he called in one more time.

*

"What have you done to my flat?" Harry exclaimed as he came in from an exceptionally tiring day.

"Oh, I thought I made it better," said Cedric, who was holding Harry's somewhat dirty Oriental rug in his hands.

"How is this better?" Harry asked, exasperated at Cedric for undoing all he had done in the past few months. "I liked that rug, you know? And where has my lamp gone?"

"That old thing?"

"That old thing was an antique! And who are all these people?"

"Hello there, Harry!" an older man wearing gray robes greeted him. "Cedric's told us all about you." A chorus of 'heya, Harry's!' could be heard from their bedroom and Harry turned to gape at Cedric.

"What are they doing in our bedroom?" he asked in a harsh whisper.

"Well, we were pulling up the carpet and didn't have anywhere else to play cards..."

"You're playing cards in there? I was looking forward to...you know..." Harry gave Cedric a look and crossed the room to embrace him.

"Mmm, Harry," Cedric said as he kissed him. Harry smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around him, only to be interrupted a second later.

"Cedric, if you don't get back in here your chips are all going back into the pot!"

"Hey, wait a minute! I'll be right back, Harry."

Harry sighed, then put his cloak back on.

*

"Potter?" Harry heard his name being called as he sat on a park bench. He turned his head to see Severus Snape come into view, his black robes blowing in the wind and his hair whipping his face.

"Hello, professor. Haven't seen you in a while."

"I don't usually have the time to come and watch the water, but I do when I'm able. Managing a school can be...difficult."

Harry smiled. "But rewarding, I'm sure."

Severus smiled and Harry's heart fell somewhere between his knees. He'd never seen Snape smile once in his life. It changed his entire face, making it a lovely, warm thing. He instantly decided that he liked it.

"Undoubtedly," Severus deadpanned and Harry laughed in response.

"And what of you, Mr. Potter? What has you spending your evenings looking longingly into a river?"

"Harry," he corrected.

Severus nodded and said, "Severus."

"I had an awful day at work, Severus."

"Why not simply return home? Why come to a park?"

Harry looked down and didn't respond.

"Ah. Forget I asked then."

"No, I– It's not that, I just–"

Severus scooted closer to Harry, close enough so that Harry could smell him. "Is there someone at home? Someone you don't wish to see?"

Harry looked up and into Severus' eyes and considered the question. Yes, he thought. There was someone home, but did a ghost truly count?

"No," he said. "No one at home."

Severus nodded, giving him another smile, and Harry felt his heart flutter.

*

Severus and Harry talked all night. For a few hours they sat on the bench at the park, talking about the past few years, careers and mutual acquaintances. When Harry mentioned his new position at the Ministry, Severus' face lit up in approval and he was quick to tell Harry how impressed he was that he had made something of himself, become something more than just a name.

Harry basked in the praise and was quick to listen to Severus' own successes.

They moved from their park bench when it grew too cold, taking shelter in a late night cafe, both of them sitting on the edge of their chairs, as though neither wanted to be too far away from the other.

A family passed them on their way to their table and Harry paused as he looked at the child resting in his father's arms.

Severus followed Harry's line of sight and Harry looked at him just in time to notice a brief spark of something in his eyes.

"You'd like children?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded. "I–I did once and...I think I might again."

"May I ask what happened to change your mind...both times?"

Harry just looked away and contemplated his coffee.

*

The sun was beginning to peek over the horizon when Severus and Harry finally said goodbye.

"Harry, I've had...the most wonderful time."

Harry nodded, overwhelmed with guilt, not only because he was out with someone other than Cedric, but because he hadn't had such fun since...

Well, a very long time.

"I would like to see you again, if you are amenable."

Harry nodded absently, having no idea what he was doing, what he was saying, just knowing that he never wanted this feeling to end.

"Well, then. Goodnight," Severus said, looking into Harry's eyes and leaning his head down for a kiss.

*

Harry arrived home to find his flat in shambles and Cedric sitting on the floor, leaning against his rolled-up Oriental rug.

"Missed you," he said plainly as Harry walked in and sat on the floor on the opposite side of the room.

"Cedric?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"You never approved of my job."

Cedric looked thoughtfully at Harry, then said, "No, I didn't."

"And...remember when we first met? And I told you that I wanted kids?"

Cedric nodded. "But I didn't."

"But you didn't...and...and I put so many things away like that. I put away my job–I only got this job after you died. I never decorated our flat, I never–so many things I never did because you didn't like them or you just weren't interested."

"Yes," Cedric said plainly.

Harry looked over at Cedric, longing in his heart and a sorrow building, almost as though he was dying for a second time.

"Tell me about the first night we spent together...after Hogwarts...when we met again as adults."

Cedric smiled and opened his arms, and Harry crawled over to settle next to him. "We spent the entire night talking...and when we kissed–oh, around eight in the morning–we were trembling so much we couldn't take off our clothes."

Harry sobbed and kissed Cedric's cheek.

"Do you wish me to leave?"

Harry shook his head. "No, no, no. Never, Please."

Cedric sighed and rubbed Harry's back as he wept.

*

"Harry?" Severus called as he noticed Harry walk over to their park bench.

"Hello, Severus."

Severus looked at Harry, examining his face for something. "I tried to Floo call you, but you're not listed. Is there some reason you didn't want me to contact you?"

Harry looked down, unsure of what he would say.

"If there's someone else–"

"No," he said, his tone clipped. He looked deep into dark eyes, begging him to understand. "There was someone else and I loved him... and he died. And I've been so–so lost, but now I've found you and I just–"

Severus needed no prompting, he simply took Harry in his arms and kissed his face. "You owe me no explanations."

"Yes, I do," Harry whispered. "To you, I do."

They sat like that for a few moments longer before Harry said, "Can we go back to your place?"

Severus stilled and rubbed his cheek against Harry's face. "If you'd like. Do you need to return home first?"

Harry nodded, then thought of Cedric. "Yeah."

*

Harry looked around as he left his flat, toothbrush and overnight bag in hand. Harry had searched the place for him, but Cedric hadn't been there when he had returned. His broom had been left out in the living room, a reminder of what had been.

Harry stared at it, missing Cedric already, but no longer as broken and miserable as he was before. He took one last look at the rolled-up rug on the floor before he walked out the door to join Severus.

*

Cedric watched as Harry walked down the steps, somewhat surprised to find him with Severus Snape, of all people; but glad, so very glad to see him moving on.

His heart clenched in his chest at seeing Snape's arms open as Harry walked up to him, and his breath caught as he saw Harry smile–a smile that was once reserved for him–at Snape.

Snape returned it and Cedric knew at once that his efforts had not been in vain, that coming back had been the right thing to do.

His ghostly friends, who had helped him achieve his goal, came up behind him just in time to see Harry lean up to kiss Snape, and they gave a joyous shout at the sight. Cedric smiled and wiped a hand across his face as a single tear trickled down his cheek, taking one last look at Harry before saying goodbye.


End file.
